Chains of "FAMILIAR"


Why FAMILIAR is referred to as a demon in stories about witches? Something that is also referred to as a well known, something we used to, a habit..? Let's Discuss!

Where does "familiar" come from? A family, programming, society, majority. You've probably guessed where I am going with this. What does it mean to be in the chains of familiar? Is it indeed a demon in disguise? Layers of habits and behavioural patterns that we are used to and never question. But why? Why don't we ever question them? 

Well we don't, not until those habits no longer serve us, and no longer fit whilst keeping us hostage in the house where we no longer feel at home. And when old rules become a true like of a tight-tight box we find ourselves in, which won't let us stand up and spread our wings and fly, then it's probably time to re-evaluate everything and adjust accordingly.  


When we eventually grow out of that house, out of that box, out of that "familiar", what is the next step? Do we just stand up and walk away, the old walls forgive us and let us go, we get up and the box collapses,  or on the contrary - the house is too "comfortable and cozy" to let go of, and the box is made out of metal and it's easier said than done to actually get out? 

And if we do get out of that old house, out of that tight box somehow, how do we actually build our own life with new habits, new patterns and new rules? What if we end up following the same old pattern and build exactly the same house with uncomfortably small walls, and create exactly the same box for ourselves that we were in before just because we felt so "comfortable" in it, used to it, yet were unable to thrive in?

How many years have to pass by for some of us to learn the difference between comfort that we are used to with limited results and the comfort that we build ourselves with new rules that let us grow and thrive? How many people do we have to let into our lives just because they feel familiar, only to end up in the same old codependent or toxic relationship, and instead actually start letting unknown unfamiliar people in, new energies that are our own choices, and not choices imposed by someone else or the choices programmed into us by society, but the choices that will finally lead us to our true full potential, to a true meaning and true purpose of our lives? 

How do we know which is which? Well, we don't, not until we align our mind with our heart and soul. Not until we follow our guts. We feel the difference between ego and intuition, difference between fake false image of ourselves and our true selves. We have faith that this choice is ours alone to make and we follow it because it makes us feel alive, and it may indeed lead us later to our true potential & ultimate fulfilment providing we have stood the Test of Faith. The opposite to a "true self", however, can manifest itself in something like frustration or anger, sadness or bitterness which may serve as an indication of the wrong path. 


Fair enough, when you are a guest at someone's house, a player at someone else's game, you play by someone else's rules because it's always good to respect other people's rules providing you are at their table or at their mercy at the time.

However, once you are out of someone else's house, someone else's game, and start your own life, build your own house, what do you do? Do you make new rules or continue playing using an old template, walking an old map, feeling all small, tensed and curved up with the hunch in your shoulders, just because that heaviness of an old house was too intense and lasted for a really long time? Indeed you would perhaps consciously start building the house that you can actually fit into, with more space for things you wanted to achieve, open up your heart, straighten up your posture, and start making your own choices, right?

Yet, what is happening on sub-conscious level at that time? How easy is it really for you to change your old behavioural patterns and ways, once you have put your mind to it, how doable is it to get rid of those old habits? And what if your new rules, as lovely as they may be, are not accepted by the majority, by your family, or by the society on the whole? 

How easy would it be for you to build a new life from scratch in a face of a mass disapproval? How do you stand the weight of majority and choose your own path? Providing, of course, your choices are not harmful to anyone, yet it is not something that "everyone" is used to? 

And most importantly, where does this wave of opposition, and conviction that you should follow "everyone else's footsteps", that social construct, really comes from? Are we being objective, or are we just using our subjective mind statements to rule out the fact that the "majority" may only be a matter of personal perception, a familiar, and not the facts or an ultimate truth? 


If you are an artist, for instance, who always presents new original material, and this new material is something that hasn't been tested yet, something that is probably not accepted by the "majority" as yet, how easy is it for you, for example, to turn around from that "huge wave of disapproval" and turn towards your own niche? 

What really stands behind acceptance: knowledge of facts; open mind; lack of infected ego and pride? How do we indeed own up to our choices? We just do. We let go of familiar that is limiting us, and broaden our horizons by taking risks. We jump into unknown deep waters believing that it will make us feel free and fulfilled. We follow our guts, our intuition that is truly aligned with our heart and mind.

This is how, in my humble opinion, we lose the chains of familiar to create room for growth and development and become an original version of yourself, someone who is stable on their own two feet. Moreover, when we are being ourselves and really own up to our art - we become a true gem to the environment and a valued addition to the music industry and a society on a whole.


You may know the story of Eva Cassidy, how she was on the wrong path most of her life, and then by the end of it, in her early 30s when she was diagnosed with incurable cancer she decided to be brave enough to follow her guts, sing her heart out and make a record. In spite of numerous setbacks and rejections by a number of companies, due to her being too original in her own interpretations of all familiar tunes, she has determinedly followed her true path and surely made her mark on the whole music industry and generations that followed her.  She revolutionised the way we look at popular songs, and opened the door into unknown, a new way to improvisation and freedom of expression. 

I like the line in Tall Trees in Georgia by Buffy Sainte-Marie that Eva Cassidy covered so beautifully:

Control your mind my girl and give your heart to one

For if you love ALL men you'll be surely left with none

For a very long time this line haunted me because I didn't really understand a blind following of choice by itself. If anything it seemed to me somewhat silly if one is being too rigid or not flexible enough in life. However, it dawned on me finally that there is a fine line between any choice of a pragmatic nature imposed by a majority, or drilled into us by family traditions, and the choice that comes from our own heart that we want to stick to as it is surely aligned with our mind and soul. This is the choice that comes from guts, your authentic self. And once you feel it, you know it's what you really want, and there is no more room for doubt or confusion. You continue following the right path. 


If this article speaks to you leave us a comment, and tell us what do you do to find your true self or if you have ever had a feeling of seeing a glimpse of your true self and then losing the sight of it all over again, or if you are clear about who you are, because perhaps you were blessed with someone who has guided you in staying true to yourself throughout your whole life and you live to your full potential already, and if so, tell us what it is and share your story with us!

Thanks so much for tuning in and I look forward to seeing you at our next blog entry soon! 

Much love, Elena Dana 

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